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A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.  He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.  Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.  Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in frenzy.

"Good," said the first bat, "Because I didn't!"

After Christmas Sales

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new girlfriend, and as they had not been dating for very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal.  Accompanied by his girlfriend's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves.  The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.

During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the girlfriend got the panties.  Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his girlfriend with the following note:

"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening.  If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove.

"These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks, and they were hardly soiled, I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.  "I wish I was there to put them on for you the first rime, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

"When you take them off, remember to blow on them as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.  "Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year.  I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.

"All my love.

"P.S. the latest style is to wear them folded down, with a little fur showing,"

 

Q: How does a woman hold her liquor?

A: By the ears.

Q: What's the difference between men and jellybeans?

A: Jellybeans come in different colours.

Q: What's the difference between American beer and making love in a rowing-boat? 

A: They're both f**king close to water.

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?

A: No idea.

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

A: Still no idea.

Q: What do you call a dear with no feet, legs, torso, neck or head?

A: A hat rack.

Q: What have Soya beans and a vibrator got in common

 A: They're both meat substitutes.

 

If you have any better jokes for this page then please send them to me.  If the general consensus is you don't like this page, I'll ditch it.  (Anything I put in is an experiment at this stage)