Alternative Glossary Of Caving, Mining & Underground Rescue Terms
ABSEIL Hand & bollock warming technique
ADIT Smug look on caver's face on Sunday morning
ANCHOR Act of fancying a Casualty Bag (see below)
AMMO BOXES Large cigarette carriers
ASCENDER. Opposite to Headender
AVEN Light-swallowing phenomena which goes nowhere
BANDMASK Hi-tec euthanasia device
BEDDING PLANE Conjugal accommodation for dwarfs
BELAY What students hang their tackle on having previously ascertained its instability
BELAY BELT The act of kicking a belay to check its strength
BLACKDAMP Found on inside walls of caving huts.
BLUEWATER Only thing certain Cave Divers will be seen in
BODY HARNESS Used to remain upright at bar
BOLT As in "Last Orders!"
CARBIDE LAMP Device used to extract jammed cavers
CARRYING SHEET What you have to do when its your turn to empty the Elsan
CARTGATE Rustic door
CASUALTY BAG CRO groupie
CAVE Something not to be seen dead in
CAVE DIVER Something not to be seen alive in
CAVERN Posh name to rhyme with "Tavern" in caving songs
CEAG Celebrated Electrical Activity Generator
CHAMBER Receptacle in which to store spectacles, teeth, spare d iced carrot, etc under bed
CHEST HARNESS Ring Miss Smotherem for details
CHIMNEY Play equipment for cavers supplied in most pubs
CHOKE Realisation that its your round
C-LINKS What walls hold up
CLINT Ethnic
CLOG Anti-squitter medicine
COE Pratt in running shorts
COFFIN LEVEL Scale of noise made by smoking cavers
CONTROLLER Receptacle for abuse, car keys, reporters bribes, etc
COW'S TAIL Grip for use whilst keeping arm warm in bovine heat-pack
CRAWL Saturday night auto-pilot
CROSS CUT Very annoyed bleeder
CURTAIN Device to prevent Constabulary observing after-hours activities
D-RING Noise D-phone makes
DEADS Retired Controllers
DESCENDER Person sending letter from .Jamaica
DOLINE Queue at DHSS Off ice
DRAG SHEET Crap found in bottom of Mexican stretcher
DRIFT Course brain steers on Saturday evening
DRY SUIT Clothing for first 10 minutes in bar
DUCK Sheep substitute
EDGE ROLLER Go-faster device for lowering stretcher
ELECTRON LADDER Detumescent ascending device
EXIDE Elephant's-foot waste paper basket
EXPOSURE BAG Heat-pack with big tits
FAULT Something a Controller never, ever has
FIREDAMP Found in cavers sleeping bags
FIGURE OF 8 DESCENDER Large bottle opener
FLAT Pre-pubescent female speleologist
FLUORESCENCE Adrenaline rush induced by realisation that you forgot to ring the Weather
FLOWSTONE Whiteboard for cavers graffiti
FLYGT
Service
offered on
FOREFIELD Just behind the foreshore in the Goddam Isles
FORMATION Underground clothes pegs
FURRY SUIT Last year's club dinner suit Centre
GATE Part of dry-stone wall to avoid
GINGING What the Gang do with their Goolies
GROTTO Disreputable Spanish caver
GROVE or GROOVE Caver listens to "Leonard Cohen sings AC/DC"
HADE What Goon keeps falling on
HAND JAMMER Person who runs out of Andrex
HANGER Irate Hut Warden
HARNESS Fluorescent purple/green Petzl truss
HEADING Bit at the bottom of rescue report in
HILLOCKS/HILLOCKING Guardian misprint
KARABlNER West Indian jet-setter
KARST Term used to describe limestone area when applying for grant for foreign holiday/booze-up
KEYHOLE
PASSAGE Double-deck passage
- lower level for
KIBBLE 80g food
KRAB Krustacian
LEG LOOPS For use in cases of extreme constipation
LEVEL Most East Anglian caves
LIFELINE A four- pack carry-out during rescue
LITTER What you put rubbish cavers on
LITTLE DRAGON Opposite to Fucking Big Aardvark
MAILLON RAPIDE Device for slowing down rigging
MOLEFONE What Jasper Carrot should have had
NElL ROBERTSON Inventor by Appointment to Spanish Inquisition
NICAD LAMP Hidden bit of an FX2
OGOFONE Downstream from Ogoftwo
OLDHAM
Book
vendor from the wilds of
OLD MAN Anyone who remembers the Swildon's Forty
OPEN Passage that someone else always finds
OPEN RAKE What Vietnamese do - Open rakeaway
OX-BOW Humane killer for club barbecues
PARAGUARD STRETCHER Pretty stretcher for use when TV cameras
PETZL French manufacturer of bespoke bondage gear
PIPE or PIPE VEIN Where cavers store exotic vegetation
PITCH Always lacking in singing cavers
PITON Recycled cut-down hangers
POT Most important caving accessory
POTHOLE Groove worn in bar counter
PRUSIK Heaven for rope fetishists
RACK
RAKE Shit-stirring at committee meeting
RAFPEL Frenchman with hot hands & bollocks
RESURGENCE Wrong end of Swildons
RIG
Dave
Irwin (Wig) in
RISE That early morning feeling
RISING What a gentleman cavers does before 4 pm
ROCKET TUBE Bit they kick you up when you get a rocket
ROOF TUBE Concrete tube sticking into dig
ROPE
RUCKLE Crowded bar
SERIES What happens when Sid Perou makes a half hour film which runs for 105 minutes
SHAFT Saturday night horizontal clogg dancing
SHAKE or SHAKEHOLE Farmers waste bin
SHUNT Wizard prang chaps
SINK or SINKHOLE Diced carrot & tomato skin receptacle
SHUNT What happens if you puke whilst pissing in bath
SIT HARNESS Truss designed by Barbara Woodhouse
SKED Decoration with in Y fronts
SLING What to do with hook after farting in pub
SOLE Arse
SOUGH Flat wet bit of mine
SPAR Late Nite pie & booze vendor
SPREADER Conjugal stemple
SQUEEZE Bit of cave that keeps shrinking
SRT Sexual Relief Technique
SRT HARNESS Rubber band and pipe cleaner
SRT RIG Rubber band and pipe cleaner with feather
STARDRILL Famous divers parade for the Media
STEMPLE Conjugal knee stretcher
STITCH PLATE Used by students as pulley
STOP (PETZL) Heartfelt plea by other equipment manufacturers
STOPE Olde Englishe for above
STRIKE Geological feature that buggers up cave passage
SUMP No room for any more beer
SURVEY Caving very, very slowly
SWALLET Baby swallow
SWALLOW At least 9 pints
SYSTEM Any NHASA dig over 50 long
TACKLE Any important equipment - as in Wedding Tackle
TAILINGS Bits left in trap when mouse gets away
TALKING ROPE Warning you've had too much Strong Ale
TAPE Flat string
TETHER Bit that Controllers are always at end of
TIRFOR Stretching device for trapped cavers
TRAVERSE Wasting time at top of pitch
TROLL
TUBE Shaft lying on its side
VADOSE TRENCH Scar left by burst vadose veins
VEIN Famous caver/diver
WARDEN Failed rat-catcher and lobotomized caver
WATER GATE Flat bit of water over sump with no key hole
WATER TABLE Theory without a leg to stand on
WAY BOARD Committee of cavers who decide on dig's direction
WETSUIT Drinking kit at end of evening